We have acquaintances, partners, co-workers, those people we say “we should really hang out with soon” (and then never do), lifelong friends, old friends, new friends, bad friends, and even pets. And then we have best friends. Unlike our partners and the rest of the people, these are particularly special. They are the difference between screening our answers and being truly authentic. They just kinda get us. They are always there for us. There is no doubt of their importance, so it’s about time we acknowledge them and pay the tributes that have been well overdue.
Friends are a very important aspect of our life and mold us into the people we become. Your decisions and lifestyle can be negatively impacted by a bad friend who doesn’t have your best interest at heart. With so many directions to grow, it’s easy to get caught up in a feeling of “needing to change yourself” in order to fit in. Especially in the day and age of social media. The constant, nonstop stream of information into other people’s lives can feel like a never-ending comparison rollercoaster. Changing your look, attitude, and actions for someone else’s benefit is never a good idea, and shouldn’t be necessary for a true friend. If there are 8 billion people in this world (which there definitely are-we’re a way overpopulated world) then you can rest assured that changing yourself is unnecessary. There are enough people and groups of individuals out there that will understand you just for being you, no faking/changing necessary. The good and the bad parts, the parts that can improve and grow, and the parts of you that should stay just as they are. The only challenge is the daunting idea of finding those people. We focus so much on finding “soul” mates, our one true love, and life partners instead of finding ourselves, best friends, or even a solid group of people who are going to be there for us through it all.
We need good friends. They keep us grounded, help relieve stress, bring joy and consolation, and can even be linked to longevity! (Who doesn’t want to live a long and happy life?) So in a society that puts all its eggs in the “find a life partner” basket, I’m saying let’s kick that ginormous basket and cliche task over. (Side-note: I do believe your life partner can most certainly be, and should strive to feel like, your best friend. But they shouldn’t be someone you drop everybody else in your life for. Friends are different from partners, this is just a fact.)
So let’s start setting out to find the best of friends…but before that can happen, you have to find yourself. This is a task many people don’t want to participate in, and I totally get it. Self-exploration is one of the messiest things we can get into, and it can feel never-ending. Who wants to voluntarily voyage into the abyss that makes you, you? The thing about it is it’s worth it. It sets up an important foundation to grow healthy relationships for the rest of your life. Building on self-confidence, self-love, and self-acceptance can lead you to the people who are going to help continue that growth for the rest of your life. When you don’t prioritize yourself you can be susceptible to living to please others, and in turn making bad or negative friends. You become a mirror. You are unsure of whom you want to be or who you know you already are, and so you allow others to fill in and lead. You mirror the actions of others that you would maybe not do on your own.
Ways to avoid this, at any point in your life, can be implemented through daily gratitude, journaling, talk therapy, meditation, and physical activity. Or even joining a community-based hobby! Sports, gardening with others, basically anything that involves a group. All of these activities are going to be gateways into surface-level feelings that will eventually help open the floodgates and start getting to the core of your essence and how you want to authentically live your life. The friends that fit that authenticity will follow. I promise!
So much of life is spent wondering how. How do I make friends, how will I know if they’re worth my energy or not, how do I keep them when I get them? Let go of the how, and get introspective! Start doing things for yourself first and foremost, and friends will naturally find you. Friends are everywhere. Good ones, long ones, and bad ones. It’s about being able to let go of the idea of what you should be expecting, and let intuition take control. Be authentic, be vulnerable, and lead with a genuine love for both yourself and others, then the people who share these traits will follow.
A misconception about a great friendship is that it must be long. And while time does add a lot, it is not a requirement. If you’re 35 and have wondered why you don’t have a best friend, I am absolutely certain that someone else is also feeling this. The funny thing about the world is that 9 out of 10 times whatever you’re experiencing, someone else has or is right now also experiencing. In this instance, I would jump right into the self-reflection part, and come back to the “finding a best friend” after you can say that you would be your own best friend, or someone else would be lucky to have you as a best friend. Likewise, if you’re someone who goes through friendships as others go through bags of potato chips, maybe some soul-searching would be beneficial for you as well. It’s never too late to make amends, learn, and improve yourself and your relationships. Doing even one thing differently every day can jumpstart that how that we are always asking.
Something I have seen too often is loneliness. Loneliness is like a dementor. It literally sucks the life out of you. You forget all your happiness, achievements, and joy, and sit in a place of mental despair. There are too many people in this world to feel lonely. I am a total advocate of spending time by yourself and doing things alone, but when being alone for an extended amount of time teeters on feeling like you are less than worthy of things in life, or even life itself, it is okay and crucial to ask for help. There is always someone who wants to help and we need you! You’re important!
Friendships are such an important part of the human experience. They make life more fun, colorful and full. They are shoulders to cry on, safe places to unload our deepest darkest feelings, or to share a laugh with until you both have tears in your eyes. We often take them for granted. We focus on our partners when the real MVPs are our silent cheerleaders on the sideline. The ones whom we can spill the beans about after a first date, or stand by us when we get married. They are the ones who don’t get enough credit but somehow don’t need it. They don’t care! Because a friend just wants the best for you and to see you live your best life.
